Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
