I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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