matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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