I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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