I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
