8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
