so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You work out of a Hotel?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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