So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
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Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
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Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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