College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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