is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize