I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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