they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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