I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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