So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
