More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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