I can tuck mytits in my pants
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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