so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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