my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
