Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
