i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
