Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
