thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
