My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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