I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
