I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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