I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
