She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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