I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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