She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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