there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
