i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
