i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
