oh god the rape fog is back!
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
