I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
