Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Couch. On fire.
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