why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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