it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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