Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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