I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
