You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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