i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize