dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
