The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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