Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
