Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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