weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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