I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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