so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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