Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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