Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
