woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
