Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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