Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
