True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I checked into jail on foursquare
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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