Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
