i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
