You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
