i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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