brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
