I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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