I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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