I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
