its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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