I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
