How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
