i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
