You can't motorboat a personality
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
