He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
