I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
