Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Shame - the story of my life.
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