So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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