I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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