I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
