Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
