it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
