i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
