o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
